9/11 Ten Years Later

It has been 10 years since that life shifting day. I feel like I should honor those who died from that tragedy in some one.  It is more of an effort especially being so far way from America.  But, I have know someone who died in the WTC. His wife and daughter are doing amazing things 10 years later and I am inspired by that.

On that day, I was sleeping in my dorm room in Washington DC.  It was the second day of law school at GULC.  Being that I was in night school, I was asleep that morning.  I heard the plan crash into the Pentagon.  I thought is was thunder.  I was woken up by my cousin calling saying she was on her way to get me.  She lived in Maryland, but they had already closed the bridges into downtown DC.  Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t come and get me.

Phones didn’t work shortly after that time.  I couldn’t call home, but internet was up and running.  Only communicated with my family several hours later and only by email.  Actually, but brother who lived and worked in New York City, actually was able to get in touch with Mom and Dad before I could.  Although he had to walk home from 42nd street to 80th, he was ok.

I sat around that whole day, just like the rest of the world and watched it all unfold on the news.  My next door neighbor did check on my later that day, which was nice. School closed for the rest of the week. The only think I heard outside is the F-16’s doing fly byes over the city all day and all night.  Probably the most disturbing thing to have to deal with for months after.

While watching the news (FOX News if you can believe it) I saw a friend of mine on tv making an announcement to see if anyone had seen her husband who worked for one of the big financial firms in the Towers. I attended their wedding in Vegas.  Which by the way was the coolest wedding I have ever been to. It was so special how everyone who was at the wedding was at his memorial service at the New York Athletic Club after 9/11. My friend was pregnant on 9/11 and several months later she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Since then, she has done great things with her life. Dedicated to helping people.

She could have crumbled, but she didn’t.  She is an inspiration.

Life in DC went on.  We lived with continued fly byes, scud missile silos at the monuments, several scares.  Airport security was tighten up.  But, we tried to live life as usually.  I took the train to NY a couple of months after and went to the Cowboy game.  Seeing the altered skyline was a jolt to me.  Also, seeing the smoke still rising from the Meadowlands Stadium.  But, we went on with life.  I went to the Cowboys/Phili game and they had a fly bye with an F16.  It was raining like crazy. The whole seen really shook me.  It just seemed inappropriate.  Great example how things are different.  Before, fly byes where exciting, after they are terrifying.

A couple of months later, there was a show on that I watched every week.  It was about NY cops. I can’t for the life of me remember what it was called, but in this particular show, it started with Monday night football on the tv and then people went to bed and work up to 9/11.  That is exactly what I did.  I couldn’t watch the show and haven’t been able to watch it or any other coverage since this month.  West Wing did the best 9/11 show.  Had a group of interns just starting and touring the white house.  They sat them in the kitchen the whole day and several staff members came in and our talking about terrorism and how the world sees us.  Very well done.

There was several movies made that were either about that day or reference that day.

9/11 – nicolas cage as cop, really good

Flight 93 – strange docudrama type movie

25th hour – Spike Lee – does a time lapse of the clean up

Remember Me – Robert Pattison – good movie and concluded with 9/11 – didn’t see it coming.

I spent the next two years living a dual life and it was good and bad, happy and sad, inspirational and regrettable, highs and lows. I meet some great friends, but never really got really close. I graduated from law school, but I didn’t take advantage of the entire experience.  That was life. It was my life.

I since have finished law school, worked as a contract attorney for a big firm for 7 months, failed the bar 3 times, failed to take the bar another 2 times. I have gone to work for someone I don’t respect. I have gained and lost 100’s of pounds. Ten years later, I am not happy with my life.  That is a shame.  That is a waste. That is disrespectful to those people who would give anything to continue to live.  I am sorry, so sorry!

They have opened the 9/11 memorial in NY on the 10 year anniversary.  I can’t wait to go see it.  I am sure it brought some closure to some of these families. I hope so.  I hope it brought them some peace.

Remember 9/11!

Ten years later! Are you living a life that honors those that were lost?  Are you living a life that would make those people proud? Are you living, period?

Live your life people.  Live it to the fullest because there is nothing worse then looking back on your life and and regretting everything you have done.

I am going to start living my life.

Passion!!

“When you’re good at something it create a confidence, when your insecure about something it creates an arrogance.”  Gordan Ramsey

Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.” Ludacris

These two quotes really struck me.  I see so many people around me who are so arrogant about what they do and when Gordon said that about this kid on Master Chef, it became all so clear.  When you are insecure about something, then you come off arrogant because you don’t want to be found out as a fraud.  But, confidence comes out of being good at something.

And, Ludacris is my new philosopher.  He is absolutely correct on this one.  Passion is energy.  I love that.  If you are passionate about something, you will get up early for it.  You will stay up late for it.  You will do it for free. Passion fuels energy and you are energetic about what you are passionate about.  Maybe that is why I am tired.  I am not passionate about what I do.  I get no energy from what I do.

What am I passionate about?

Tattoos – eat, breath and sleep information about tattoos.  I will stay up late and get up early for something related to tattoo.  I look up information on tattoos instead of working.

Food – i am down right obsessive about food.  I will stay up late, wake up early and think about it for days.  Right now, I am thinking about what I am going to eat on Sunday (Breakfast at Flying Pan and Dinner at Ruth Chris). I watch cooking competition shows because of the food porn.  Top Chef, Top Chef Masters, Master Chef, Rocco’s Dinner Party.  All brilliant television.  Megan’s fried chicken and creamed greens looked so good on the finale of MasterChef. I make a list of restaurants I have to eat at when I go back home to America and mark them off once of have eaten there. I spend a lot a time on food and it gives me energy, literally and theoretically.

So, here is my dilemma.  I can’t get a tattoo every time I want to.  I can’t work in a tattoo shop and I don’t think I will have the opportunity to meet, date, fall in love and marry Ami James.  And food, I can’t eat it all the time. I can’t eat what I want everyday all day.  I can’t eat Flying pan for breakfast, pizza hut for lunch and ruth chris for dinner every day.

I need to find my passion and make it my profession.

I tend to gravitate towards wanting to learn more about people who have a talent and get to do that talent for a job; e.g., chefs, tattoo artist, dancers, singers.  Not actors so much because I think that is a learned skill.  But, the others are talents.  You have to be born with the gift and then with opportunity and study you become good at it.  It is those things that people do and then it makes them smile and feel good after.  Like the way a singer feels after singing a song.

I watched “Never, Say Never” – Justin Beiber Movie.  You can tell he loves to sing and entertain.  At the end of singing that song with just himself and his guitar player her had that look on this face.  That pure bliss look.  That is what happens when people are passion about something.  It physically feels good to get to do that task.

It is the same satisfaction I imagine a dancer feels after a number or an artist feels after he finishes a piece.

Does writing give me that high? I don’t know.  I like doing this.  I like spending time on putting my thoughts in written form.  I like that they are there now forever.  Although not for every one to consume just yet.  Maybe someday.  But, they are there and it makes me happy.  Do I do it every day? No.  Do I stay up late to do it or wake up early to do it?  No.  I could, but I don’t.  I am not passionate about it.

How do I find what I am passionate about because where I am at and what I am doing right now is not my passion?

I am going to dedicate the next 18 months to finding what my passion is and pursuing it with all my heart.