“When you’re good at something it create a confidence, when your insecure about something it creates an arrogance.”  Gordan Ramsey

Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.” Ludacris

These two quotes really struck me.  I see so many people around me who are so arrogant about what they do and when Gordon said that about this kid on Master Chef, it became all so clear.  When you are insecure about something, then you come off arrogant because you don’t want to be found out as a fraud.  But, confidence comes out of being good at something.

And, Ludacris is my new philosopher.  He is absolutely correct on this one.  Passion is energy.  I love that.  If you are passionate about something, you will get up early for it.  You will stay up late for it.  You will do it for free. Passion fuels energy and you are energetic about what you are passionate about.  Maybe that is why I am tired.  I am not passionate about what I do.  I get no energy from what I do.

What am I passionate about?

Tattoos – eat, breath and sleep information about tattoos.  I will stay up late and get up early for something related to tattoo.  I look up information on tattoos instead of working.

Food – i am down right obsessive about food.  I will stay up late, wake up early and think about it for days.  Right now, I am thinking about what I am going to eat on Sunday (Breakfast at Flying Pan and Dinner at Ruth Chris). I watch cooking competition shows because of the food porn.  Top Chef, Top Chef Masters, Master Chef, Rocco’s Dinner Party.  All brilliant television.  Megan’s fried chicken and creamed greens looked so good on the finale of MasterChef. I make a list of restaurants I have to eat at when I go back home to America and mark them off once of have eaten there. I spend a lot a time on food and it gives me energy, literally and theoretically.

So, here is my dilemma.  I can’t get a tattoo every time I want to.  I can’t work in a tattoo shop and I don’t think I will have the opportunity to meet, date, fall in love and marry Ami James.  And food, I can’t eat it all the time. I can’t eat what I want everyday all day.  I can’t eat Flying pan for breakfast, pizza hut for lunch and ruth chris for dinner every day.

I need to find my passion and make it my profession.

I tend to gravitate towards wanting to learn more about people who have a talent and get to do that talent for a job; e.g., chefs, tattoo artist, dancers, singers.  Not actors so much because I think that is a learned skill.  But, the others are talents.  You have to be born with the gift and then with opportunity and study you become good at it.  It is those things that people do and then it makes them smile and feel good after.  Like the way a singer feels after singing a song.

I watched “Never, Say Never” – Justin Beiber Movie.  You can tell he loves to sing and entertain.  At the end of singing that song with just himself and his guitar player her had that look on this face.  That pure bliss look.  That is what happens when people are passion about something.  It physically feels good to get to do that task.

It is the same satisfaction I imagine a dancer feels after a number or an artist feels after he finishes a piece.

Does writing give me that high? I don’t know.  I like doing this.  I like spending time on putting my thoughts in written form.  I like that they are there now forever.  Although not for every one to consume just yet.  Maybe someday.  But, they are there and it makes me happy.  Do I do it every day? No.  Do I stay up late to do it or wake up early to do it?  No.  I could, but I don’t.  I am not passionate about it.

How do I find what I am passionate about because where I am at and what I am doing right now is not my passion?

I am going to dedicate the next 18 months to finding what my passion is and pursuing it with all my heart.