The ladies over at Falling for Fiction have created the Hookers & Hangers Blogfest. What a great idea? I know I said I wasn’t going to look at my WIP until September, but I thought this would be a fun exercise and a great learning experience.
So, here it goes. Some choice 1st lines from chapters of my novel – I’m Coming Home.
- Even after making this trip about 2 times a year for the last three years, Sydney still has it in her mind that a 16 hour plane ride is something to avoid at all cost.
- Again, Sydney was surprised at how flirty she was being, but it felt so natural, talking to him like this; well, more like texting him like this.
- Sydney woke up at 6:00 am the next morning, surprisingly not tired and, with a smile on her face.
- Sydney came down in the elevator looking cute on the outside and feeling like she was going to throw up on the inside.
- Stepping out of the club onto Bourbon Street among all the lights and sounds and people, Sydney realized she was more drunk then she thought.
- Even though they had made up, Sydney was shaken by the little argument when she woke up the next day.
- At the end of the day, the crew went to watch the leaders finish on 18 while Sydney stayed behind to clean up.
- A little embarrassed by the scene they were making, Sydney wiped the tears from her eyes, “You almost missed me.”
- June went by fast at the Academy and in a few weeks, John would be coming to visit.
- John woke up around 4:00 am, still getting used to the time difference, he rolled over and put his arms around Sydney and kissed her neck to wake her up.
- Sydney spent the next couple of months home doing exactly what she wanted to do; slept, reconnected with family and it gave John the opportunity to get to know her family.
What an eye opener. These need a lot of work. I would appreciate any suggestions. Click on the badge to read other writer’s Hookers. And, come back on Wednesday to see my Hangers.
Sydney Aaliyah Michelle 
My favorite one is the Bourbon Street one. I’ve been there! What a totally interesting and fantastic place. SO much character. Great setting for a scene or book!
Hi Kelley. Thanks so much. I love New Orleans, too. It is a great place for a funny love story. I lived there for a bit so it was fun to put streets and places into this WIP.
I can almost imagine what happened leading up to “You almost missed me.” Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe she didn’t almost get conked on the head with a golf ball. 🙂
They have left the golf course by this time, but good idea. That would be funny, too. Maybe I will work it in somewhere else. haha.
I feel like I learned so much about your MS from these first lines. You capture great characterization in these – I think that’s really hard to do. Excellent job!
I liked number 2. Made me laugh. And realize that ‘texting’ to kids these days is ‘talking.’
Hi Suzi. I hadn’t thought about that, but looking over my WIP, I had to add the texting element in there because that is how we communicate these days. Plus, part of my story the characters are on opposite sides of the world, texting works better. Phone calls from China to America are not cheap.
The elevator one where she wants to throw up was my favorite. 🙂
Thanks Emily.
I really liked the opener about how she looked cute, but felt horrible. Really good stuff all around!
Thanks Kyra. That is my favorite line, too.
Very cool. I love how you can almost follow the arc of the book through these. Very interesting!
Hi Lisa. That is really nice to hear. I wanted to present lines that felt like I was telling the story in lines or less. haha.
All these hookers really set up your story and give a strong feeling of what’s going one. Nicely done!
Thanks so much Hope.
I agree with everyone here! I feel like I know your characters just by these lines. Great job!
Thanks Cassie. That is so cool. I am so happy everyone can see it.
My favourite first line is: “Sydney came down in the elevator looking cute on the outside and feeling like she was going to throw up on the inside.” Excellent! 🙂 Oh, and it thanks to you that I’ve joined this blogfest, so… thanks !
Hey EM. Glad you joined us. It is a fun exercise and a new way to look at your WIP that I hadn’t thought about. Can’t wait to read the hangers.
You had some good ones in there! I really liked “Sydney came down in the elevator looking cute on the outside and feeling like she was going to throw up on the inside.” Been there!
Hi Tobi. Thanks for stopping by. How much fun is this Blogfest? Yeah, I have been there, too. See reply to Kela comment for into as to why she feels like she is going to throw up.
I’m with EM C., my favorite is that one too. Great hooks. 🙂
Hi Kela. Thanks. I believe that is everyone’s favorite. Because haven’t we all been there. Just some insight. Sydney is about to go on a first date with this guy. It is been awhile since she had been on a date with anyone. The word nervous doesn’t even begin to cover how she is feeling. Wow. That was good. I need to add that.
Great hooks! Sounds like a very interesting story already!!!
Thanks Leigh. That is the idea with hooks, right? They could still be better. This exercise was a great way to look at my story.
sweet first lines. really get to know sydney =)
good job!
Thanks Tara. I appreciate that.
You have a lot of great hooks, but my favorite is your second line.
Thanks Michael. Welcome to the modern world of flirting. haha.
Really good hook lines… after reading them I feel for Sydney… nicely done.
Thanks Tania. Sydney will be ok. I think. 🙂
I thought your hooks really kept the story moving forward and I enjoyed reading them all:) Good job!
Thanks so much Deana. That is nice of you.
Sounds like you have a very nice story there. The fourth one made me smile!
Thanks Nick. That seems to be the consensus. This was a lot of fun. Can’t wait to read everyone’s Hangers.
You can visualize your story already, just from your first lines! Good job! I liked the elevator line, where she feels like throwing up.
Oh, thanks so much Carolyn. That is nice of you to say. The elevator line will for sure make the final draft. haha.
I’m curious to know where she’s flying to/from… I’m assuming the ‘to’ is New Orleans though?
It takes place in New Orleans and then they fly to New York and then Hong Kong and China.
You said you were open to suggestions…so… Overall, I felt like these sentences were great, and gave me a good idea of what your story is about. The only real suggestion I would have is the use of name, especially when consistently starting the sentences with the name. Sometimes stories can be bogged down when continually reading the MCs name, or “Her/she/he” etc. It’s a simple fix, basic sentence structure stuff. In example “Sydney came down in the elevator looking cute on the outside and feeling like she was going to throw up on the inside.” Can become something like, “Riding down the elevator, Sydney knew she looked cute (you could maybe delve into what she was wearing, make up, hair, etc to give the reader a picture of what CUTE is), on the outside, but internally, she felt like she was going to throw up.” (Just placed her name in a different place, etc.) There are ways to write around names, which is basically the same thing.
Thanks for sharing these! It sounds excellent so far!
Hi Lynne. Thank you so much. I love the detailed feedback. It is exactly what I asked for. So, thank you for taking the time and thank you for the suggestions. I will take a look at them closely.
#2 and #4! Love the way they twist. 🙂
Thanks Elizabeth.
This is my favourite:
Sydney came down in the elevator looking cute on the outside and feeling like she was going to throw up on the inside.
Nice 🙂
Hi Trisha. Thanks for stopping by and for picking a favorite. I like that one, too.