Am I Ruined for Life?

It is that time of the month, where I feel safe to reveal some of my insecurities for the world to see.  It is Insecure Writer’s Support Group Day!

My main concern for the month is that my first novel-writing experience has ruined me for the rest of my writing career.

In June, I finished a month-long writing challenge called JuNoWriMo.  With a goal of 50,000 words, I was able to write over 75,000 words.  I did what the challenge asked me to do; Just Write.  I really enjoyed writing this way.  It was my first novel.  But, it was a novel I had been thinking about for over 2 years.  I knew exactly how it was supposed to start and end.  I knew the main character inside and out.  I knew the setting backward and forward.   I knew the lesson my MC was supposed to learn by the end and she got there after going through several conflicts.  The issues in the beginning came to complete and sometimes funny conclusions at the end.  Dare I say it, the process was easy.

Don’t get me wrong, I woke up early to write. I stayed up late to write. I didn’t go out much and a couple of days I didn’t bath (Am I sharing too much?). But, in the grand scheme of things, I felt that the month went very smoothly.

I created a daily journal about my writing experience and there were only a couple of days that I would classify as me having a “moment”. Other than that, it was so much fun.

My concern is what if the next time it is not so easy.  No way it could be. I have another story idea, which I just thought about this month.  It is with two MC, but besides the broad story, I know nothing about them.  It is in familiar settings, but it will still take some research.  And, I have an idea of where it should start, but no idea of where it will end.

I am concerned that the process isn’t going to be so easy and will I be up for it.  I have given myself a month to outline and plan and then jumping right back into the writing fray with Camp Nanowrimo in August.

I would love it if my first experience was my writing process, but, I don’t think that is realistic.

Did my first novel-writing experience ruin me for life? 

D – Distracting Distractions

Do you get distracted easily?  Are you about to leave this page and move on to the next? AM I BORING YOU TO DEATH?

Ok, now that I have your attention.

Sorry to have to raise my voice like that, but I wanted to make sure you were listening.  That you were focused.  Because I would like to share something with you. And, don’t you just hate when people click on your site and then leave with out giving it a chance.  I mean, come on people.  We all work hard on these things.  All we ask is that you get past the

Oh, wait, I did it again, sorry.  You see, this is what I have been trying to talk to you.   I have a problem.  I get distracted. Easily. Way to easily.

My attentions span is getting shorter and shorter the older I get.  When I am on deadline.  Forget about it.  Unless I can find a sensory deprivation chamber, it is a good bet that I will always be this way.  A thought, a sound, a song, a feeling, a movie, a bug, a wrinkle on my shirt; any and all things can get me distract.

Distracted is defined in Webster as mental confusion.  Mental confusion.  Well, that is confusing and distracting.  I mean.  Of course is it mental confusion.  Is there another kind of confusion?  You can be sexually confused, but that is not distracting.  You can be physically confused, but if that is the case, you have more problems to worry about them distractions.   There I go again, the post is not about confusion, it is about distraction.  Wait, what was I talking about?

If something or someone is distracting me, they are taking my attention away from something that is important.  And, I get it.  I am allowing that to happen.  But, what I need help with is how to stop it.  Stop the distractions.  Stop letting other things distract me from my goal.

See, right know I am thinking about how many times I have typed some version of the word distraction so far in this post.  (10 times, just in case it was distracting you and the distraction was causing you to not focus on these brilliant words)

The reason I bring this up today, beside the fact that distraction starts with the letter D (shout out to #atozchallenge) is I am thinking about this trip.  Yeah, the Australian adventure (I know you were wondering when I was going to get back to that).  This is the first real vacation I have had in a long time:  my dream vacation.

I fear that I will allow reality to get in the way and distract me from fully enjoying it.  It has happened before.  I let an email or text message, a relationship or even the state of the world prevent me from fully engaging in the present and enjoying my vacation, sans distractions.

I still have 11 days left to try and circumvent the distractions.  Short of destroying my computer and cell phone before I go, perhaps I can do some preparation and just let go and only be distracted by the wonders of Australia.

If you are easily distracted by social media, check out this article from

“You are 8 notches above perfection!”

This was a quote from Lil C on the 8th season of So You Think You Can Dance.

Lil C is always so eloquent and I am sure he has been quoted ad nauseam.  He is quite the poet.  But, this quote touched me in particular.

I feel like there is nothing that I have ever done in my year on this earth that is “8 notches above perfection”.  No one has every said or even considered something I have done any where near the 1’st notch, let alone the 8th.  Worst yet, there is nothing that I have done myself that would make me say that about myself.  And, really that is what is important.  Not that I am striving for perfection.  I am striving to be proud of myself.  To me, that is perfection.  All levels of perfection.

Now I know what your saying.  You are being to hard on yourself.  You need to work on your self esteem.  There are people in this world that love you.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah blah blah!   I know and that is all great, but what I am striving for here is bigger then that.

I want to participate in something that I am proud of and where I will achieve that level of perfection that I am talking about.  I want to participate in life.  That is the first step.

In love, in relationships, in my career, in my life, I don’t think I have started to participate.  I have no idea what that person felt like hearing that said about something that she did.  I can only imagine.  I bet that she probably felt proud of herself.  She felt accomplished.  She felt that her hard work had paid off. She felt like all the sacrifices, all the shit that she put up  with him her life where so worth it at that moment.  And, she probably enjoyed the moment then pushed herself even more to feel that way again.  She participated.   I have never done any of that . . . yet!!

So, I have decided right here and now to participate.  I know what I want to do and I have the imagination and the drive to know what I want to achieve in my life.  In all aspects of my life.  Now I am ready to participate in order to achieve those things.  I feel that I can achieve perfection just by being a player in the game.  No more sitting and watching it happen to others. Or worse yet, sitting around other who don’t have the same drive.  Mediocrity is unacceptable.  I am striving for more in every category of my life.

I want to be 8 notches above perfection.  I want to see what life feel like from that height.

Do you think healthy?

“If you think about being as healthy as you possible can, there is no way you’re not going to look like a million bucks.”

This quote is from either Beyonce or her trainer, it wasn’t quite clear in the article.  Beyonce is one of my female image idols.  I like her look and how it has changed over the years. I like that she is curvy and fit and takes fashion risks.  I don’t necessary like her personality, I don’t know here, but I like what I see.

My other image idols:

Catherine Zeta Jones


The late and great Aaliyah

Khloe Kardashian

Jennifer Hudson

Jennifer Lopez

These women all seems to be criticized for their bodies, but they embrace their body and their body image.  They all don’t look like traditional images of what is expected of them.  They look good.

To all the great ladies and their great self images. We can all strive to be like them in that respect.