A Christmas Story is my favorite holiday movie. Young Ralphie hopes, wishes, prays, uses reverse psychology and anything else he can think of to get his ultimate gift.
“I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle.”
And, his mother, his teacher and even Santa dash his dreams with the phrase that ricochet around the the walls of his brain. Taunting him.
“You’ll shoot your eye out.”
Spoiler Alert – he gets the gun for christmas. Then, there he is. It’s just him and the imaginary band of marauders in his backyard. He shoots and exclaims, “Oh my god, I shot my eye out!”
Some of my favorite lines that I repeat ad nauseum all holiday season long.
Their the stick your tongue on a flag pole incident:
“I double dog dare ya.”
“I triple dog dare ya.”
“stuck, stuck, Stuck, STUck, STUCK, STUCK, STUCK!”
Ralphie’s brother Randy:
“My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.”
“Meatloaf, Meatloaf, double beatloaf.”
“I can’t put my arms down!”
“Dad’s gonna kill Ralphie.”
And, Ralphie’s father was something else:
“That son of a bitch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator.”
“In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.”
“Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.” Ralphie’s father wasn’t too smart.
“Sons of bitches! Bumpuses!” What would you say if dogs ate your Christmas turkey?
But, Ralphie oh, Ralphie. I am always pulling for Ralphie, even though allowing a 9 year old to have a a BB gun is irresponsible parenting:
“Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.” Remember, Ralphie is 9.
“I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed.”
“Ohhhhhhhhh, Fuuuuudgggggeeeee.” ”Only I didn’t say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F dash dash dash” word!
“Flick says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaski’s candy store!” A BB gun hint.
“There has never been a kid who didn’t believe vaguely but insistently that he would be stricken blind before he reached 21, and then they’d be sorry.”
“It… It ’twas… soap poisoning!”
“BB gun mani gets no loyalty.”
“My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master.”
“The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey Hash! Turkey a la King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE!”
“Round One was over. heh heh. Parents one, kids, zip. I can feel the Christmas noose beginning to tighten. Maybe, what happened next, was inevitable”
Once again, TBS will broadcast A Christmas Story for 24 hours from Christmas Eve at 8:00 pm through Christmas Day. How many times are you going to watch A Christmas Story this year?
What’s your favorite line? What is your favorite Christmas movie?